Letter to Joshua (August 3, 2018)
It is your birthday. You are my fourth child, second son. Longed for and loved so much. Gretel says you could do no wrong in my eyes. From taking out all the barn window panes with your slingshot at the age of 4, to re-wiring all the extension cords that the dog chewed up at age 6, to playing chess and beating your big brother at the game! (Although he may have conceded to give you a boost, but never doubted your ability to out-maneuver on the board.) Then you had epic battles with the old rooster while gathering eggs, and how I would go running when I heard you attempting to get your old snug rubber boots off in the back washroom. You were and are my little love.
Always a gentleman and careful for your mother's safety when I wanted to climb a ladder to get to the eves or roof or scrape siding. Insisting I let you up instead. If I carried anything heavy, you would immediately assist, telling me to let you carry it. I love you my dear hearted boy and now a man. The last time you spoke to me on this earth, was Christmas Day 2011. You looked at me with tears and apologized and said it was your fault that Jonathan and Dad were putting me out of the home again, for the second time. Because Pastor Ron Zarou had asked you if I was afraid, and you had told him I was.
And do you remember my response to you, son? I took your face in my hands, and although I was crying, I said it was ‘NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL. AND THAT I LOVED YOU. AND LOOK AFTER YOUR SISTER.’ Jonathan and Carly led you both out of the house, and I collapsed in a heap on the floor, with your dad standing helplessly looking on. And I asked him “WHY TOM?” And he said, ‘I DON”T KNOW. IT DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT DOES IT?’
Since that day, you have refused to speak to me. You were just 16. I was given no information on your schooling, your graduation, your subsequent engagement and marriage, your college, your jobs, your health, your wife’s illnesses, your housing, your health issues. Yet we paid for your health insurance, your college, your tuition, your copays to health issues, your phone. Dad and I paid, but you were not allowed to communicate with us. We were so close and so loving.
And Pastor Scott destroyed your love for your mother and your father and your extended family in just a few days. By isolating you suddenly from your mother, it undermined all you had known. It happened to you, and it has happened to so many more.
And we are here aching to hold you and tell you none of what you were told is true. They have lied to you. Come home son. It is your birthday, and we are your parents. Come home.
Xoxo Mom and Dad
