Letter to My Children (October 26, 2023)

Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Josh, and Christina,

I love you all. The memories of each one, never far away. Like this morning. And in my dreams last night. Yesterday was the perfect NY fall day. I washed outside windows, bedding down vege gardens with leaves, getting in a last lawn mow for the year, and sweeping all of grampa’s thousands of leaves into his woods! You fussed as kids at chores (who doesn’t!!), likely you find them comforting now.

Grateful for the many get-togethers here with our relatives. Sadly, a couple of them were due to death. But how glad we all were to hug and remember stories of our families. Our family is lovely. At my cousin's wake, so good seeing his children and ex-wife, brothers and sisters. Aunt Jackie had to pull us through, as we lingered long, holding up the line behind us. Grampa broke rank, came to the head of the queue to join us in a hug and laugh with cousins. First question we get, ‘how many grandchildren do you each have?’ No one has more grandchildren (yet!) than I. Astonishment, pictures pulled up on the phone, questions, laughter, sad sighs, prayers for your return offered, evil vanquished again in normal living and truth.

When we have longer visits, the relatives talk about my mother, your grandma Eileen. What a great lady she was. Aunt Nancy, so like her, always doing and giving and laughing! You kids were her joy, as she had none of her own.

My children, please hear my words. When an individual (pastor, lawyer, counselor, friend, spouse, etc.) discourages you from talking to your parents (and cuts you off from your people), bashes your parents/relatives, trying to make themselves your ‘new family.’ Those people are bad people. They are pulling you to themselves for the benefit you bring them. 

Benefit? Sure, you now give all the natural love and longing for your family, to them. You talk daily to them (instead of your mom and dad). You help care for them when they are ill (instead of your mom and dad). You celebrate their birthdays and holidays (instead of your mom and dad). You help them move and work to make their projects, (instead of…). And because you are still doing good deeds for someone, it tamps down that persistent guilt you feel for cutting off your parents and extended family for years! But God is watching. God hates it. He disdains your sacrifices for others, while your mother and father languish for the sight of you, to hear your voice, and hug you once again. Your mother who raised you and gave her life to make you the valuable people you are today. 

This is how you honor? Successful folks in the world know it's ugly. They do not like to associate with folks who treat their mother badly. You will not be successful until you are part of our family again. Christians encouraging this behavior from you (like the folks who attend Calvary Temple in Sterling, Virginia) sin against God and twist scriptures for personal gain. Like the deck you built for someone in Calvary Temple Josh, a man who has never called to tell me how you were, ruthlessly removed from our home at age 16! But your dad (who has asked my forgiveness for destroying us) is working on his dad's deck right now. And I just hired cousins to come do my patio. Another cousin's children poured her cement driveway. People know what is right to do. And people know what is wrong.

Gosh this is a long letter! I’ll close now. Looking every single day for you coming down my driveway, or calling on the phone. Rob asked yesterday morning, what I was thinking about….told him I’m planning a big family celebration, for you!! I want all of you there!! With cousins and aunts and uncles and in-laws and out-laws from our lives!! Between your dad's family, which is small, and my family which is large, that’s a barnful! Plus a dollop of friends who have prayed and reached out to you repeatedly to end this madness. 

Jesus said that He came that you might have life, and abundantly. It started with the family he placed you in. And grows, encompassing more people as your family grows. But divisions of family are evil. People who whisper about family to divide them are evil. Flee from those! Back to us. Hugs and kisses and love, Mom.