Letter to My Children (November 11, 2016)
Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua and Christina,
I love you all. Soon, the truth will win out and we will all be together again. Everywhere it seems the secrets of corruption are being revealed. And those who are not corrupt, but behaved wrongly, are also being revealed. I believe it was David Wilkerson who said that God would reveal the sins of all leaders both in the church and in the world before judgement came. It is right for leaders who do wrongly to admit it, apologize and make amends. It is right for those who hide their badness to be exposed. John 3: 21 says Let your deeds be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
I was thinking this morning of how little you probably know about when I was placed in the motels away from you all for over 90 days. It was a nightmare. I barely slept, cried, and waited. Waited for you all to come and find me. I worried about who was taking care of Josh and Christina, who was watching baby Noah as Gretel worked? When I came back Gretel and Noah were gone, again silence. More abuse covered up. Candace was about to be kicked out. A elementary child was kicked out, the mom told me, crying. I was terrified, what was going on? How could Pastor Scott be allowing all this to happen? Was he not aware? Was Pastor Ron Zarou a rogue pastor? Doing his own thing, covering up his tracks? (I have been told by so many individuals how this same pastor divided their families also. What the heck?)
Upon being brought home by dad, and told by Pastor Ron Zarou to not talk about my discipline (his words), because it would be getting sympathy from you; I began to realize you also had either been told nothing, or told not to discuss it with me. So I was silent some more. As directed, and to keep dad and Pastor Ron from punishing me again. For two months I was quiet, then it started on dad, that evening after service, when all you adult kids rebuked him for buying lunch for Gretel and Noah and talking to her. I could not be silent, and as Carolyn looked across the sanctuary and smiled at me sitting there, she gave me courage to speak up against injustice. Carolyn had repeatedly told me to stand up to Ron Zarou, and not let him bully me. When Jonathan asked me to say something that night, I stood and told you children you were wrong to shame dad.
I saw Carly's face get red, and Sarah put her head down. And I knew I was in trouble again. For being a good mom. For reminding my children to be decent, loving and kind. And then, I was removed from church, and two weeks later, on Christmas Day, after you arrived home from the service I was not permitted to attend with my family, (or go anywhere else for that matter), I was told to leave and support myself for up to a year if that's what it took to get ride of the 10% of darkness in me???!!!!!! Even while telling me I was a great mom, and a good wife. Your words guys, not mine. And I replied, This is not right. This is wrong. And if you will do this to me, you will one day do this to your wives and children. Christians should not be dividers of families. I am not picking on you kids, dad has admitted he wronged us terribly. Pastor Ron Zarou needs to admit his part and Pastor Scott also, as head pastor.
I love you all, and cannot wait till this is over. I am not angry with you. And, for healing to begin, the unhealed wounds must be opened and disinfected, and then with truth and love, healing begins. Your plugging your ears to what happened is not Christlike. Look at all that has been done to your parents and sister and nephew, and mourn and restore. The truth will set us free.
Love and hugs and kisses, Mom
