Letter to Jonathan from Gretel (September 15, 2018)
It has been just over a year now, since I last saw you on September 2 and cried, broken-hearted, as you told me with nonchalance that you had nothing to say to me. I was six months pregnant, and I cried with my heart broken anew by you. I wept, and you looked on without pity. You didn't hug me or even utter a single kind word. You just looked with a look of stone cold and turned and went away. As I sat on the end of my car silently crying, you got into your car and drove away. You wouldn't look at me as you drove by. You didn't wave. All I could think of was how this might be the last time I saw you. I hadn't seen you since when? Had it really been 5-6 years since I saw you last? And now one more year has come and gone.
I don't know if you guys ever think of me in September or even remember that my birthday is in two weeks, but I think of you all even more constantly this month. I loved my birthday so much growing up-birthday breakfasts before school and birthday dinners with the family were the best! You would call if you weren't there and after Sarah moved out, she sent me flowers and had them delivered to school! For the last 6 years, I have dreaded my birthday, because in all that time, I have not had one gift, one card, one call, or even a text from you, Jonathan or Sarah or Joshua or Christina simply to say happy birthday or that you love me or are thinking of me. Yesterday, our aunt was telling me that I should have a birthday party this year. As I explained to her how hard that day is for me without you all, I started to cry. It surprised me how close to the surface that pain and longing for you all is. And last night just thinking over the day, I silently wept for you all again. I miss you, Jonathan.
I miss you hugging me and saying like you used to "It's okay, Buddy. Don't cry." I need you back. Please come back to us. I don't want to celebrate this birthday without every one of you, please. Please.
Love you forever, Your Buddy and Little Sister