Letter to Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua, and Bean from Gretel (June 26, 2016)

Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua, and Bean,

     This last week the boys and I have begun to add a nice long hike around post to our mornings. We love it and I feel like Noah grows up more everyday, as we walk and talk about everything under the sun! Today though he was unusually quiet as we started out. We had seen Kyle off to work, said good morning to our wonderful neighbor(who reminds me of you Sarah though I'm not quite sure why yet), and headed out to the library for books and socializing on the playground. Noah, after a little way of walking in silence began to talk though more seriously than usual.
     He said, "Mom, you know why I was so sad in the night?"( He had woken up fussing alittle the night before) I expected to hear of a very vivid dream which he tends to have and so I simply asked him, "why?" "I was talking to Jesus last night, and you know that man who has tricked uncle Jonathan, uncle Sarah, uncle Josh and aunt Christina? I told Jesus to tell that bad man that he can't control other people. I am in control of myself and my actions and he needs to be only in control of himself and his actions and not tell people what to do and trick them." I nodded my head and agreed as he went on. "I asked Jesus too to tell your brothers and sisters to come home. Cause Mima and Bompa and I love them so much, don't we, Mom? And you love them and so does dad and Johnboy! I told Jesus to tell them we love them and so should just come home now. I want them here for my birthday this year!" I could only nod my head and smile in agreement with him and his sweet little heart, so full of love and hope!
     We do love you all and miss you more than words can tell. Come home soon! No matter what you have done, we still want you and will always want you! I thank God for everyone of you and can't wait to have each of you back soon!

Love always.

Your Sister,

Letter to My Calvary Temple Friends (June 23, 2016)

Dear Calvary Temple friends (both in and out),

     Wrapped in a blanket this morning, enduring a headache and sipping coffee, while trying to concentrate on what I was reading, I was thinking of all the needless pain we have all suffered. Those being told to cut off their own flesh and blood, and those singled out to be sent away from their families for God only knows what. The shear insanity of this 'biting and devouring' of precious lives. So anyway, I have been thinking.
     What has kept me going more than anything, is the love I have for my children. I love them so much. They are wonderful kids, and I have always been proud and pleased to have such great kids. They did the fun and crazy things kids do, and I enjoyed assisting them in their efforts to live life to the fullest. I believe Jesus when he said he came to give us life and life more abundantly.
     The second thing that has kept me going, is preventing anyone else from suffering this horrible situation. So I resolved to tell my story publicly, after all efforts at private reconciliation were ignored or refused. Thus sounding a warning loud and clear to all sane and sensible individuals that maybe there is something wrong with this church, and at the very least, to do some serious vetting of the men at the helm. And to be especially cautious, with regards to ones immediate family, of allowing them to be influenced by anyone in this church.
     Of course, it then stands to reason, that if these two things are what is keeping me going. Then if the people inside CT (both pastors and people) would just let me have my children back in our life like normal families do, and if Pastor Scott calling me up and apologize and say he was sorry. Well then I would have no reason to write on this blog. Except to write about the children being back with me and the nobility of a pastor who can admit his sins and errors. And of course, I would forgive him. Imagine the instant popularity of a person who is that willing to admit wrongdoing. It is so incredibly rare today. He would become an overnight hero to multitudes of formerly abused individuals. I mean David was a hoodlum (adulterer, murderer, liar), but he became a hero when he took his public humbling well and repented publicly.
      He might even find all his enemies have now become his best friends. What a wonderful turn of events that would be. And think of the opportunities to rebuild fractured families and show the true love of Christ. Because Jesus did not shun anyone. He was never afraid of sin or being contaminated by it. Sin has no dominion over love. Love has dominion over sin. If pastor and his people are so afraid of catching a sin...maybe it's because they have no self-control?
     So if Calvary wants to stop having all this bad publicity, by which the way of truth is being evil spoken of, then they should come to all whom they have stolen from and restore what belongs to others. Then they will have some good publicity. After all, Jesus went about doing good and healing all that were oppressed of the devil. Some of them were deserving and some were not. Jesus did not come to destroy men's lives but to save them. And if he came to them and they rejected him, then he went to the next. He did not take anything away from them, or punish them. Because the goodness of God is poured out on the just and the unjust. There is a Judgment one day, and we will all stand before Him then, to give account. For right now, I think Calvary Temple would be better off admitting and righting their wrongs, and looking at their own sins, instead of trying to 'break everyone else of sin'. It's just not your job.

Letter to My Children (June 19, 2016)

Dear Children,

     It's Fathers Day, and dad has not heard from you. He doesn't reach out to you he says. I am not sure why. I know that I cannot stop reaching for my children. That is why I call and write and text. Not to pester, just because there isn't a moment when you are not near in my thoughts. Very warm here today. And heard good news from Virginia again, that Mike and Hannah have asked for forgiveness to their parents. How good and right. Of course, none of us would hold any of you to any account, we would just be glad to have you in our lives again. To be able to hug and touch you and hear your voices and talk. It will be the most wonderful gift of all. It just doesn't matter what was done in the past. God wants us to be together. And I will forgive anyone who has kept us apart. It takes a truly noble and strong individual to admit that they did wrong. Especially after years of silence, and so please don't be embarrassed ever. We all admire people who are straight up and just plain honest. I have told my story here in order to dispel all the rumors and lies. To bring clarity and openness instead of secrecy. On the advise of pastors and friends here, this was a last resort to let you hear my voice. And Jesus says to bring everything to the light, that our deeds may be made manifest whether or not they are wrought in God.
     On a lighter note, it was another very hot and dry day. So unusual and the crops need water.  The lake is down about a foot at least. This will make you laugh, we put in a dock extension, and forgot to move the hoist back out to deeper water, so now dads boat is high and dry. Until we get more water to let it down into! Lol. Gretel was recently out visiting Aunt Melody and the girls while Kyle had a on-call thing to do. It was a weekend visit, and they did hay and played in the river. Gretel said the boys loved it. And she was pretty nostalgic too.
     Below is a picture of our view on the south side of the cottage. Looks green here, just because we have more moisture I guess, not so green elsewhere. The golf course has been watering with sprinklers after dark. Too dry for June. I love you and miss you. Please call and or come. Whatever you need.

Love and hugs and kisses,
Your own Mom

Letter to Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua and Christina (June 8, 2016)

Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua and Christina,

     I have heard how much rain and cloudy days you have received in the past couple months. Sounds so like typical NY weather, which you are familiar with.
      So I thought I would send you a picture of the first peonies to bloom here at the cottage. We had a late bloom on most things. Unusual. You recall all the peonies and lilacs and flowers, etc. we had at our yellow house. We all loved blooming times, when you each we're bringing me flowers to put on the table.
      Many of them live on at Aunt Jackie's house. As she took small chunks of things to plant in her gardens. And in Virginia, we tried several new plants, which did well. Do you remember how the grapes and Jacobs ladder climbing Rose bush (from Joelle too I think), flourished.
      At the Mazz house I had no heart for gardens. I did transplant raspberries from our yellow house, and my moms rhubarb. But that is all. Then we purchased this cottage. And we looked it over in winter, with moving in time in late May I think, and then what a surprise. Each month new plantings emerged. Many that I had had, and loved, and lost. There are varieties of lilacs, peonies, hydrangea, lily of the valley, irises, fern, myrtle, pachysandra, climber roses, grapes, apples, pears, herbs, flowering bushes, flowering trees from all around the world, even a bush named Carlyce...a bush with a lovely scent.
     Oh and Josh, there are giant old locust trees here. You always noticed the lovely scent they gave out in spring.  Plus a Creek, woods, gravel beach, hill for sliding, 2 bridges, and a nice wide porch for rocking and eating out. Now dad has his boat and dock in, and we are told, one of the best fishing spots on the lake for bass, pike, etc.  Well it's a gift to us to be sure. A place for dad to heal and recover, a place for me to be safe until you return to us. God was covering us with his wings surely, to enable us to heal after so much abuse.
     And it will be a retreat for you all too I pray. When you come back to us. We love you and pray for you and need you desperately. Come home. No matter what you have done, no matter what you have become, come home.

Mom, Dad, Gretel & her little family

Letter to Christina (June 2, 2016)

Dear Bean,

     Your photograph was sent to me by a Virginian. You are beautiful. As both of your sisters, but a little more like me. In fact, dad says you look like I did when we were dating.
     The Rocker is yours too, I just recovered it to go in your room at Abby's place. She's renting your Mazz. House, and agreed to let me make a Christina Room as a memorial to you and your siblings, to come home. It is nearly finished now. The photo and Rocker will go into the room. This weekend a missionary couple will be staying there, they are from Ukraine but Canadian, and will be teaching at a seminary in Harrisburg.
     Just a side note, did you know that Claire is having her wedding in the back lawns of the Mazz. House? Gretel and Kyle will come back before the wedding to help me do the flowers. She invited 500 people to come...can you imagine? Dad says we will need 6 port-a-potties! It is time to stand up and do the right thing, no matter how difficult Christina. Come home. We are waiting. Or call and we will come.

Mom and Dad and your sister and family

Letter to Christina from Abby (June 2, 2016)

Dear Christina,

     As I write this, I'm sitting in the living room of the Mazz. Josh and I are renting from your mom now. Remember when we first came over and saw the house? It was SO creepy at night. We went down in the basement and played and ran and laughed. We dressed up in old dresses and had a pretend tea party with some of the stash from the wine cabinet. (No, we didn't actually drink any to those who are wondering.) It has been such a blessing to be here. We moved back from Ohio after Josh and Danny graduated from Cedarville University. Your mom offered this house to us back in December. We were shocked and honored that she would allow us to live here. She said on one condition, that if her children (you, Josh, Sarah, and Jonathan) come home and need a place to stay, we will have to move out in a month. I could not think of a better reason to have to vacate!
     Gretel was here for a couple days when we moved back home. She and I had some good talks. Her baby is SO cute. I took him over to meet the neighbors' sheep. Their pasture runs right along the property line. He has huge eyes and just stared right up at me while I talked on and on. He must have thought who is this crazy lady talking to me? :)
     Your mom made one of the guest rooms into the Christina Room. She spent hours painting and decorating with things that you would like. She said when you come home, she wants you to know how loved you were all these years away. I helped her where I could, clumsily trying to put together a guest basket for the closet. She's so patient and teaches me. Your mom is a gem! She's been so broken. Please come home to her and your dad and sister. Get to know your adorable nephews. The other day, I went with Josh, Danny, my mom, and my nephews over to your parents' cottage on the lake. It was so much fun. Your dad took us out on the motor boat and I couldn't help but think of the times we went out on the boat. What fun memories.
     I love you Christina. I keep writing to you because, even though you may not think so now, I do love you and am here for you. I cannot wait to catch up on life when you come home. I'm praying for you. We have a guest room with your name on it!!