I cannot believe it has been five years since I last saw you. I am sitting out at McKellar's Lake on Fort Bragg this morning, fishing with Noah, while your name sake, Little Johnboy is asleep in the backpack. Noah has been in love with fishing since he caught two northern pike in NY with dad. I think he is officially "hooked" now. This is our second duty station and you would love it here. I went to the special forces museum the other day and could not help but think of how much you would love to be doing all I m doing. Again my heart ached for you and all you have lost at the hands of a wolf in sheep's clothing. All you have needlessly given up to God when He did not require it. I understand how Jesus must have felt when He saw the people being cheated in the Temple. God would have used you and your passion for the military. I know Jesus must be forming His whip even now to drive out the "money changers".
Anyhow, I have been dreading this day all week, and it is finally here. Happy Birthday. It makes my heart ache just to remember it and think of you as you are now. My mind goes back more than ten years to your 16th birthday when you got your clay pigeon shooter and didn't you have your solo flight that night too? We all loved your birthday not only cause it was always in the last week of school, but because we all adored you. You were our own super hero, and practically perfect in everything you did. I think Pastor Scott has used the fact we all adored you, more than anything to damage our family over the years. I still remember having cried and begged for three days for God to forgive me after I was kicked out and when you saw me at the house you asked how I was. I ll never forget how you would call me buddy and it always made me feel so special that you would call me your buddy. As I was saying, I told you I was exhausted and had begged god to forgive me over and over and wept for days and yet I had heard nothing, felt nothing. You listened and then told me I must not be truly broken and repentant as there would be some visual change. I cried when I replied that maybe I was unable to forgiven then because there was nothing else I could say or do. You said that wasn't true, but that was truly how I felt. I had messed up and I knew it! I confessed it and did what you said when I was coming out of the meeting with Waleed and Amy, "It's going to be okay. Just do whatever they tell you to." There was noway to satisfy them. This was my third strike and I was out.
I miss you so much Jonathan. I miss you asking me when I was little to put on the gloves and punch you, so you could practice your blocking (cause no-one else in the family loved you enough to let you hit them around lol). I miss the times we would all camp out in the woods and we would run through the woods along the trails barefoot "like the indians did". I miss all your chipmunk tails pinned to the walls of your bedroom and helping you skin your squirrel in the basement. I miss the lord of the rings cape you made and how you jumped up on Shyboy and tried to shoot the arrows off his back while riding bareback lol (only he was the most skittish horse ever and it terrified him). I miss you the rides on the way home from Civil Air Patrol listening to your we were soldiers sound track. I miss the way you would make mom laugh (I am doing my best to keep her smiling until you get home). We watch movies from time to time, and I catch myself thinking how much you would love this movie and I bet you quote it like you did The Emperor's New Groove.
Kyle and I were talking the other day about how different armies around the world were made to do horrible things and so many of them, didn't realize what they were doing as they were fed misinformation! The Nazis and the Jews are one case of that. My point to this thought was that we always knew you were a good soldier, you would get behind a cause and follow to the death, "not mine to reason why, it's mine but to do and die," right. Well Jonathan, you have been fed misinformation! It is time to stage a coup and get this straightened out. I firmly believe when you finally sit down and open your eyes and allow yourself to see the truth, you will rise up and as Jesus said to Peter, “But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen the brethren” ~Luke 22:32
I pray that this will be the year that you and all the rest of my family come home! I love you Johnboy!
See you soon.
Love always your little sister,