Letter to My Children (December 24, 2013)

Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua and Christina,

      It's is the day before Christmas.  I have been awake since 3am, up reading my bible, thinking and praying our family will be together again.  Please come home for Christmas. Or if you cannot travel, call and we will come to you. Only let us be together.  Please, please come home.
      Sometimes it seems I cannot keep living with such pain in my heart. I know your father and sister feel it too. I love you all so much, and there is no anger or condemning here. Just sadness and longing to have you close again. To be able to speak with you, hear how you are, hear your voices, see you. No matter what you have done, no matter what you have become....come home.

Love your own mom.

Letter to My Children (December 20, 2013)

Dear Jonathan, Sarah, Joshua and Christina,

     I miss you. We miss you. Every minute of every day. We talk about you, so many of us. Your relatives, old and new friends ask about you when visiting, wanting to know if you have contacted me yet. Prayers all the time, from so many people you know and don't know, asking God to bring you home to us. Not that you have to leave VA, but just be a part of our lives again. How can one part of us be cut off, and we all don't ache?
     When I asked George and Sarah Bright years ago, about a rumor that Pastor Scott was destroying families, they responded so calmly that evil men were waxing worse, and the love of many was waxing cold. People were leaving their families and walking away from God. That was false. People were being divided, slandered, put away, thrown into the street, put in motels, prevented from going to church (anywhere), property confiscated by church members, silenced. All at Pastor Scott's direction.
     This is beyond the scope of my understanding. It is purely malicious evil. It has taken you 4 beautiful children and broken your hearts thinking you have had to put away your own parents and sister to love God adequately. It has broken my heart, dads, Gretel's. But we continue to hope, and love you, and pray. That soon you will call or even better, come. One night I woke up hearing Jonathan calling out 'Mom, Mom, I'm here...' I got out of bed and went looking for him in the house. It was so real.
     When I came down last week, and picked up dads things for winter, I was shocked to hear Courtney saying to me that I had abandoned you all. I told her the truth. Why haven't you? Why are you hiding what you did to me that day? Maybe Pastor Ron told you it will cause confusion, like he told me and dad. Well, that's because it is confusing, and confusion is not from God.
     When I stopped at your homes and knocked, Sarah you pulled the blinds shut. I left Penny's gift from Noah on your door handle and kissed your door. Asking God to bless and protect you all. And then at Jonathan's home, when I saw him through the window he shook his head no to me, and walked back upstairs. I cried. And kissed his window over and over, telling the glass how much I love him, asking God to bless my sweet son and family. Jonathan I ached to hold you close.

I called you to tell you I was there and want to see you all. Nothing. God was there for me.

Love your own mom