How are you all? February is a busy month. Here is an old photo of Noah taken in February 2011. Months before I was put away from our home. He was a big fat baby, and I wonder is Hudson chubby like this? Or were Penny, or Weston, or Jackson, or Madeline?
I am babysitting your three nephews just now, they all got the flu bug this week, and are still on the mend. So lots of downtime to look through our old pictures. Someone recently told me they loved my smile. I have not smiled often throughout the past 8 years. So much pain from our separation, so many tears. There really is no need for reconciliation, because I am not upset with you, and you were not with me. As you plainly told me when you put me away in 2011. You were just following a pastor’s orders.
And so let's meet. And hug and cry and laugh. Let’s move forward. Please welcome me into your arms, homes, lives again. Please call, write, text. It is time. And I love you. And I am laughing again. And smiling a lot. And how I wish you could see it.
Your own mom
Here is a picture I took down in Letchworth at the beginning of the 5K race you were running with Dad. Joshua was with friends and did not run the race. But you four pictured above did. With Jonathan and Christina coming in first in your age bracket! I love this picture of Jonathan letting his little sister climb on his back. So normal for us. You were all such good kids. Who has bewitched you into this enforced eight years of total silence with your parents, sister and extended family? When people hear you are doing this, those that knew you, are shocked and disbelieving. And the first question is always...what church is this?! This picture is how you used to be, open, honest, kind, and carefree.
Missing you all.
Here is a photo from our Thanksgiving 2006 trip to NYC. Your sister Gretel took this. She has a good eye for composition. I was showing it and Gretel was telling how I had around a hundred copies of this made and sent for our Christmas card picture that year. It was only after sending most of them out, that Gretel saw it, and pointed out that she was NOT in the picture!!
Candace is in the picture however. And yet, Candace and Joey, her husband, were noticeably absent from the recent wedding of Joey’s brother-Steven and Brittney, his bride. I did send some texts to Candace telling her how missed she and Joey were at the wedding in Virginia, (which I was so happy to be able to attend.) Along with a picture of Joey’s parents, Ron and Patty, and Joey’s brothers and extended family; who also have been cut off from contact with Candace and Joey, going on nine years.
Sent Sarah and Taylor a text, saying how sad that Taylor was not there to see his best friend since Kindergarten, and the best man in my Sarah’s wedding to Taylor, get married. How sad and pointless. But that is the reality of Calvary Temple, Sterling Virginia. Just one of a growing number of churches who are destroying families in order to try and please God.
Nonsense. (As Renee likes to say.)
On Sunday morning I missed a call from you. I tried calling back 3 times. And finally sent you a long text message. This was the FIRST phone call I received from your phone since the day before Christmas 2011. The day before your dad (under orders from Pastor Ron Zarou and Pastor Scott) told me I was to be ‘put away’ from our home for the second time in 5 months to ‘break me.’ The first time I was taken from you for three months, then brought home again.
So, your father and your nephew and I were driving, when I saw you had called. Here is the text I sent to your phone along with 11 pictures.——“Sarah, I just saw that you called while we were driving to church. Text me if you want me to call. Are you OK. Dad and Noah and I are sitting here in the car about to go into church, but I will turn my phone on. (The following was Noah’s message) Hey Aunt Sarah hello are you there I hope you get this message because I really like you”.
Anyway. You did not respond, so I thought I would write you a letter. Here is an old photo of you and your husband's sister Tierney. She was up visiting the farm with you, and you girls had a ton of fun 4-wheeling and messing around. Happy days. Missing you and praying you are ok, feeling better, and will call or come home to us.
Xoxo Your own mom
I love you all. Very much. It is the middle of the night, and I am looking at old pictures of us all. Found this one of your Grampa, my father. Taken I believe when I was in my early 30’s. I used to really laugh. Or cry. I have not done much of either in the last several years. Silence and privacy. Not explaining much except to those who came to the cottage to ask.
But after 8 years without you. Our family is permanently scarred, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, your mom and dad and sister and your nephews. We are all hurting. With all the efforts I have devoted to traveling to try and see you, writing, calling, texting, leaving gifts....many have written you off as a lost cause. Recently two people told me I have no family any longer, that Gretel is my ‘last daughter.’ Of course, neither statement is true. But it shows how much hurt has been done. I wish you were allowed to see all the damage. I know Pastor Scott forbids you to see our pain, because it might awaken your conscience. I have heard how my posting of old pictures is quite infuriating to the leadership of Calvary Temple in Sterling Virginia. Pictures are worth a thousand words.
But I just love you more than ever. All of you. The more you have hurt me, the more I love you and dream of laughing with you and being full of gladness that we are all together. Just like the smile in the old photo above with my dad. Just pure happiness over my five beautiful and wonderful children. And my wonderful grandchildren, that I have never yet held in my arms, Penny, Jackson, Weston, Madeline, and Hudson.