I have not spoken with you since May 2012 and when we did speak it involved us arguing about what the truth was regarding your family’s situation. We argued for over 20 minutes and ended the conversation with you insulting me and me leaving the house. That is the last time I saw you and since then I have only left a few voicemails on your phone; the last saying that I was there for you, but would not be calling anymore.
I wanted to write this post to share with you how much I miss talking to you and being your friend. You were there with me the day that I got my drivers license (the same day that you coerced me into spending way too much money to buy Nike tennis shoes, which is now my favorite shoe brand), you were always available to call when I needed someone to vent to about work at the Charcoal Corral, you wouldn’t let us leave the farm that one time I was upset about you killing birds until I told you why I was mad at you, and you were the one who helped plan the smuggling of myself in your family’s van after church one night. The list goes on and on about the things that you have been a part of in my life, and I wish that the list would keep going on, but the list has sadly ended.
You were not around when I began my freshman year of college when I so desperately wanted a friend to call and joke off the loneliness I felt from being in a new place, I was not able to call you to tell you that I had finally decided on a major (which is Psychology), I was not able to call you to tell you that I had purchased a car (a Chevy Impala which I am sure you would have told me was a bad idea since you were always so supportive of Toyota and not Chevy), and I was not there when you got married. I think that is the one that stung the most. I had always figured that I would stand up with you in your wedding and you would stand up with me in mine. When I heard that you had been married I cried for the first time in a long time, overtaken by the sadness that accompanied the knowledge that my former best friend had been married without me knowing about it. The list of things that we have missed in each other’s lives is long and will continue to grow as the years go by. I just hope that it doesn’t keep growing, that you will come back to your Mom and your old friends and continue the life that you lead before cutting people out of your life.
You have really hurt me in the past, the insults that your hurled at me the last time we spoke were a 1,000 times more painful than the Indian brush burns you always used to give me; it took me quite some time to forgive you for those words. I guess I wrote this letter to tell you that I am still here for you and I plan to continue to be here for you for as long as I am on this earth. And when you come back I will give you a hug and tell you that I forgive you.
Until then know that God loves you, your Mom loves you, and I love you.